Damegrinch

Confusing English

2006-06-11T07:23:00.000+07:00

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???

13. If working hours are me! ant for working, then why are you reading this???

Get Back to WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right Chosen WORDS II ....

2006-06-10T10:16:00.000+07:00

Right Chosen WORDS....

2006-06-10T09:34:00.000+07:00

The guy who loves you...

2006-06-06T10:35:00.000+07:00

The guy who loves you...

if he can't always see you,

he will try to make himself busy,

to not have any time to remember you,

because he knows, if he did,

he will keep on missing you until he could do nothing.

The guy who loves you,

can't tell you the reason why he loves you...

he only knows that, in his eyes,you are the only one.

The guy who loves you...

seldom praises you...

but in his heart, you are the best, only he, knows it.

The guy who loves you...

will scold or complain if you didn't reply to his message but others,

because he cares.

The guy who loves you...

only drops his tears in front of you...

when you try to wipe his ears,

you are touching his heart,

the heart which beats for you.

The guy who loves you...

will remember every word u said...

even it's accidentally,

and he will use the word always at the nick of time.

The guy who loves you...

will not give any promise that easily,

because he doesn't want to break the promise,

he wants you to believe him and he wants to give you

the happiest and safest life ever after.

The guy who loves you...

always tell you not to think too much,

because he already plans for you...

he wants to give u the best life in the future...

he wants to give you a surprise...

believe him that he can do it.

The guy who loves you...

will go to the airport to fetch you...

he won't carry a bunch of roses and

call you darling like what you expect...

but he will carry your luggage and

ask you " why are you becoming that thin within two days?"

with his sincere heart.

The boy who loves you...

will listen quietly to you,

when you are mad, and when you finish,

he will say, "you still got class tomorrow,

sleep earlier ..." with a smile.

The boy who loves you..,

doesn't know whether to call you or not when you are angry,

but he will send a message to you after a few hours...

if you ask him why that late,

he will say, "when you are angry,

my explanations are all rubbish,

but when you calm down, my explanation will really work."

The boy who loves you...

always call you little girl,

but every time he wants to make a big decision,

he will first want to hear your advice.

The guy who loves you...

doesn't like little toys like teddy bears,

but he will always put the bear you gave him at his bed.

The guy who loves you,,,

will apologize uncontrollably while you are quarrelling

although you are the one who's wrong... and later,

he will send a message to you saying, "baby,

actually you know it's your fault, you know it urself."

The guy who loves you...

while really missing you,

will want to buy a bunch of roses and wait

for you stupidly under your apartment...

but he never knows that what he bought are daisies....

but it doesn't matter, because in his heart, those are roses.

GALs... in love, do you think the guy who's beside you really is for real?

if yes, wish you have the happiest day ever after.

Echoes of Our Hearts...

2006-04-29T07:01:00.000+07:00

Sometimes we close our eyes and just listen tothe echoes of our hearts. We all fall inlove andthere are times when we love so much that welose ourselves in our emotions. More often thannot we wonder why there are love that grows andlove that grows cold. We would start to search foranswers and try to find where we have gone wrong.But in the end we find ourselves where we startedfor we cannot questions LOVE when it has its ownreasons. Many of us believe that love is forever,that love never dies, only to be disillusioned in theend when we find our hearts empty and our heartslonging.We mistakenly looked at love as a need to befulfilled. But Love is only a gift given to us, weshould not hold it in our hands. For we may neverfind the strength to let it go when it decides toleave. We should only embrace its warmth andglow while its lasts and then freely open our armswhen its time to say GOODBYE.When we fall inlove with someone, we dont wantthat feeling to end. For it's everything that wewanted to be. We pray that LOVE will stay andgrow in our hearts. But if it doesn't then we shouldnever let our lives be taken by it. For it should notend where our heartaches begin.There is always a reason why we have to move onwhen we have to say goodbye to the feelings thatwe wanted to stay forever. Let us not wave ourhands with a heavy heart that we will have to setits wings free and find the place where it belongs.We may have lost it but then again when we closeour eyes and listen to the echoes of our HEARTS,we will hear that feeling resounding silently forever.Then we'll know that it has never left us, for thegood that we have become because of LOVE willalways stay.It will always be there reminding us that we shouldbe thankful and happy not because we have lostLOVE, but because for once in our lives thatfeeling lived in our hearts and made us happy.

make this life

2006-04-03T06:04:00.000+07:00

make this life

all my life i played the game
searching for the one i could win
without you it's been the same
i don't want to lose again

when you smile it makes my day
and i know my life begins
everything just seems this way
then you came and made a change
all i want to have is you

don't bring me down will you love me too
i don't want to be so cold
you're the only one in this world
i want to make this life with you
even if i couldn't say
in my eyes it is so clear
it's hard to walk this path alone
will i find which way to go

all i need to have is you

don't bring me down will you love me too
i don't want to be so cold
you're the only one in this world
i want to make this life with you

just wanted to post this very Nice composition. someone have given this to
me, i dont want to get his talent gone to waste. the rythm or say melody ( sorry
i really dont know the term, i'm not really a musician) is somewhat like beatles
sounds.. i heard the song from he's recording .. so sweeeeet!!!!!

Think before you speak...

2006-04-01T07:27:00.000+07:00

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when
the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
Mythree-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants,
bent over,
spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

< /SPAN>
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who
needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean, so
think before you speak!

smiles

2006-03-31T12:25:00.000+07:00

Sometimes i sit at home and wonder how it be if he had loved me truely loved me yes, i learnedAwhile ago that kind of thing it never happens for me, and so i go around and just pretend loveIs not for me i play the circus clown around my friends make them laugh and they wont see thatU never let them see u sweat dont want them to think the pain runs deep, Lord know its killing me

So i put on my make up put a smile on my face and if anyone ask me everything is ok imLaughing cuz no one knows the joke is on me cuz im dyin inside with my pride and a smile on myFace...on my face singing, la la la, la la, lalala, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la laLaaaa

Sometimes i sit at home by the phone hopin he might call me but he dont call me but then iRealize dreams come true arent for girls like me not like me, and so i go around with my headUp like it aint no thing and when the boys around with all my friends im into other things cuzU never let them see u sweat dont want them to think the pain runs deep, lord knows its killing Me

So i put on my make up put a smile on my face and if anyone ask me everything is ok imLaughing cuz no one knows the joke is on me cuz im dyin inside with my pride and a smile on myFace...on my face ooohIts not easy (thing to do) sometimes its hard to (face the truth) its not the life that iWould choose but what else can i do if he dont love me no if he dont want me im not about toSit around let myself go (gooooo)

27 Ways to Make a Girl Smile

2005-04-22T11:28:00.000+07:00

27 ways to make a girl smile . . . . .

27 ways to make a girl smile . . . . .

*1 . Tell her she is beautiful, not hott, fine or ***y.

*2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second.

*3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

*4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

*5 . Always tell her you love her at any and all times.

*6 . When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

*7 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.

*8 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

*9 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

*10 . Write her notes. {she loves them}

*11 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.

*12 . Play with her hair.

*13 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.

*14 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.

*15 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.

*16 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.

*17 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.

*18. Carve your names into a Tree.

*19 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.

*20 . Give her piggyback rides.

*21 . Bring her Flowers just because.

*22 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.

*23 . Look her in the eyes and smile.

*24 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

*25 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.

*26 . Kiss her in the rain.

*27 . If your in love with her . . . Tell her.

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Signs You Suffer from Work BurnOuts

2005-04-21T18:58:00.000+07:00

You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell".

Your friends call to ask how you've been and you immediately scream
"Get off my back, bitch!"

Your garbage can IS your "IN" box.

You wake up to discover your bed is on fire,
but go back to sleep because you just don't care.

You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.

Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.

You sleep more at work than at home.

You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.

Your Day-Timer exploded a week ago.

You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

You consider a 40 hour week a vacation.

You don't set your alarm anymore because you know
your pager will go off before your alarm does.

A WoNdErFul NiCe DaY!

2005-04-18T11:46:00.000+07:00

Some days are cloudy and grey,
And it seems as if the rain is
Chasing all your dreams away.
While other days are bright and sunny,
Making you feel as though the feats
You can accomplish are many.

On this particular day, I have but
One wish coming your way...
I hope you have a wonderfully nice day!

Did You Know????

2005-04-15T16:59:00.000+07:00

Did you know that....
....it takes 26 muscles to Smile ?
And 62 muscles to frown?!
So SMILE!!!
Think of it as FREE therapy!!!
Who You Think May Need A Therapy